![]() I’m about to start a podcast, even though the odds of success are slim and I’m scared to put myself out there, because I simply have to create and share my ideas to feel fulfilled. I see my mania as a wake up call and proof that the future I was dreaming of was possible, at a time when I was unconsciously trapped in a life that wasn’t right for me. The difference now is that I know myself, I absolutely trust my partner and my best friend to look out for me, and I know the warning signs to look out for. (I also work from home and my employment stress levels are about as low as possible, which is key for me.) I made a lot of life adjustments that I sorely needed (went back to school, changed careers, divorce, new unconditionally supportive relationship) and I’m as stable as I think I can be. I’m a little over 3 years out and am just now feeling ready to pursue my dreams diagnosis be damned. My manic episode overall was shorter and maybe a little less intense, but otherwise the emotional progression of mania - depression - stability/recovery - fear, was the same. Is it possible to reach for more? Do you regret not reaching for more or are you glad you chose stability? Maybe this is a vent without any outcome. ![]() If I dare to hope for more I fear these ripples will turn into waves and take me under again. Even now I have days where my moods are up or down. I worked so hard to build my bit of normalcy. I'm terrified of losing everything I have. But I fear pursuing a higher career path because I am scared that as soon as I achieve something great it will spiral into another intense round of depression. I miss using my skills to do things truly creative and groundbreaking. I miss the passion and excitement for work I had from that time. I left all of my aspirations behind and am in a decent but modest career now. I have supportive friends and an adorable pet that has kept me alive through some of my darkest times. I sludged through the last 12 credits I needed to graduate with my bachelor's after 4 semesters of medical withdrawals. Recovery has been rocky and slow but thanks to meds, therapy, and lifestyle adjustments (sleep schedules are revolutionary) I'm doing alright. I ruined my finances, my body, my GPA & isolated myself. For years I couldn't go to the part of town I worked at without immense anxiety and shame. For years I couldn't speak the name of my business. The immediate fallout was 10 months of depression so deep and putrid I fear myself of that time. Culmination was an investor meeting where I pitched our product to 10 investors and got us an award. I slept 2 hours per night and envisioned a future so bright I could touch the stars. It was 6 weeks of pure euphoria and immense productivity towards a business I had started earlier that year (while hypomanic). I had my last full blown manic episode in 2019. ![]() If your post doesn't show up shortly after posting it please message a moderator as it may be stuck in the spam filter.įeel free to visit our friends over at: /r/depression/ We get notifications for messages but not for reports, so this enables us to respond faster and communicate with you if we are unable to take action. If you think a post or comment breaks the rules please REPORT it and MESSAGE THE MODERATORS to explain why it bothers you. ![]() If you've had a depressive episode this link may help differentiate bipolar from depression: The Goldberg Bipolar Spectrum Screening Questionnaire. If you need live help: or text "home" to 741741 to reach (US Only) In case you ever need it: /r/SuicideWatch/ How to pay for meds without insurance and Rather than quitting a medicine cold turkey, consider talking to your doctor about a gradual and monitored change. We do not allow interviews, surveys, or studies at this time Please also tag posts that are about a bipolar person other than yourselfĭo not provide medical advice, including diagnosing users or telling users to change their medication or dose without a doctor's supervision.ĭo not self diagnose Steps to getting help. Please tag posts describing suicide, self harm, and other common triggers. ** Please focus on your experience rather than making claims or recommendations. Please also do NOT mention specific suicide/self harm methods, this is to prevent a copy-cat effect and keep everyone safe. Please familiarize yourself with the rules HERE before posting. Please let this sharing be constructive, informative, and polite. Please post your desired links in the self post with a description of the link, and start a discussion around it :) Only text/self posts are allowed in this reddit. A Reddit to share information about who you are, how you think, and what helps you cope in life.
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